I never told anyone

 Sometimes, I am sick of people telling me how I can’t do this and I can’t do that. I know I know, I should have known better that what other people think of me does not define who I am. 

I never told anyone other than close friends that I am going for that hiking trip. I never told anyone that I am applying for fashion design in Uitm. I never told anyone that I care more of what to wear than what I’m going to learn at classes these days. I never told anyone that I’m spend most of the time looking at clothes online and pictures and fabrics that my friends or random strangers wear in classes, just so I could get a hint of inspiration in creating my own portfolio. I never told anyone that I’m always at the library just so I could write this blog privately. I never told anyone that I’m scared of the interviews that I may go to so that I could go to that fashion school. I never told anyone that my life could change into something even more wonderful but I’m too afraid to do that bald move. I never told anyone that I’m not happy doing things that I’m not into just so I could finish my degree. I never told anyone that it feels like everyone is continuously laughing at me when I keep on trying new things. I never told anyone that I am hiding most of the time because I’m scared at what people think of my decision at applying something entirely different than I know.

They say I’m weak. They say I’ll never make it. Do I even have a chance at this? Ya Allah, help me. Spare me from being too concern of what people think of me. Ya Allah, I’m still figuring things out and I need courage from You to figure things out. Ya Allah, please prepare me.

Relieved.

- Amelia