Title : Aku pengecut

I told Wafi that I miss writing here in my blog and that I would start writing when I feel like I have a topic to write about.

Its not like I haven't thought of anything; its because I had thought about a lot of things and these thoughts got mixed and jumbled up together that I don't know what to write about. See how my mind is so disorganized?

Its a week midterm break. I have a few things to cross off my checklist. Some of it are reviewing/studying my chapters for all subjects, getting a Marimo and research for this topic for our next debate meeting.

Speaking of debate meetings. I don't think I want to involve anymore. It was fun at first but when it comes to projecting your voice on certain topics that you are not familiar with, you began to shrink and shrivel to miniature size. This is where confidence play the part. You can say anything and people believe you...if you have the confidence to lie.

Even how many times you tell yourself that you are better and you can do it and you can fake it to  make it, you would still be this 'pengecut'. You know, there will always be this 'suara halus' or this alternate self saying that you can't do this, you can't achieve that and whatnot.

After a while of running away, and dodging the word 'pengecut', I realise that I made reasons why I don't want to do this and that. I mean, I told myself that I don't wanna join debating again because it discusses things that I don't think I care about. You talk, you argue and point fingers. And even if they do talk about the things that I care about, I would still be at the losing team. I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough. I know I'm not.

Sometimes you just need one person to believe in you. Just one.

Thank you

Amelia