Absolute Chocolate.

I should start off by brushing off these cobwebs on this blog. Phew. Its been a long time, hasn’t it?
I was thinking, instead of wallow my feelings and getting my bed soaked with tears, I thought I should just get it over with by writing my feelings down.

Lets get to the point.

There was one thing that had me in the guts. Birthdays. And how lonely birthdays have been lately. Not on my birthday. But on my family. I couldn’t care less about my birthday. It would be special if it has chocolate cake and my family around me.
Last time it happened was when I was about to enter Kolej Mara Kulim. Ummi brought home a Secret Recipe’s cake and “Happy Birthday and Congrats, Angah” was written over it. I tasted lovely in my mouth. That was my last birthday cake ever since.
There were some bitter birthdays. The one when I was watching Benjamin Button on TV that morning and my parents were arguing. I didn’t mean to think about the bad stuff…but I just do. I have a good memory, even the ones I didn’t mean to remember.

We never have cakes anymore.

Usually we try to make it special. But it has never been anymore. I can’t go into details here. I just miss the times when it was normal.

No, wait. It wasn’t normal when it was normal. I just thought it was normal because I know less. And that had saved me from feeling uncomfortable and out of place on birthdays. I can’t help my tears when I type down these words. How has it been hard on me to admit to this. I WANT THINGS TO BE NOT COMPLICATED.

Amelia