Back To Reality

I looked out the window. I watched the layers of cotton candy on the sky while the plane was slowly going down for landing. The cloud looks so puffy. It made me want to live in the sky. It was a beautiful weather to fly in. The pilot announce that the temperature is 29 degree. Not too sunny out. That was a few minutes later after they served the food. Then, the Baskin Robbins ice cream ! HAHA, it was so yummy. I don't mind eating another ice cream. ;)

When the plane landed on the Earth, I waited for the moment when the seat belt sign to turn off. but when I looked beside me, my little sister had already taken off her seat belt. I pointed at the sign above us. I was just kidding, but she put it on again anyway. she's funny that way. XD

I switch on my phone and 4 messages flooded my phone. The first and second messages was Irfan, Maxis notifying one miss call from Abah, and a message from Sameer. They were so cute when I met them a day before.

I replied to the messages when I reached home. but on my way home, there was a call from Amir, my cousin I mentioned on earlier post. He wasn't that bad, he got accepted at UITM Sungai Petani. and just calling to make sure I'm fine. isn't that sweet?

Things are looking up anyway. I was smiling all the way home. Somehow, the grin faded when I remembered that school is coming in 4 days. Shit ! haha,

***

and now, its New Year again. 2010, hope it brings me luck in life. I seriously in need of luck. I want straight A's for SPM. and hopefully Abah is there all year round.

Speaking of which. There was a knock on the door at 3.30am ! Who knocks at the door at 3.30 am ? Apparently, I'm the only one in this house who heard it. I knock on my parents' door and told them. Thank God, my mother told me that my Abah is supposed to go to Masjid at the Kem. and the one who's knocking is actually his driver ! ahaha,

anyway, to anyone and everyone, Have a Happy New Year !

I Don't Fit In Anywhere

Might as well be no where. I wish I could just be in a place that I don't have to feel awkward when I started talking to someone.

There's been a little gap in my heart that had just been filled again. No, I'm not in a relationship. My Abah just started to fill my heart again. as my dad. I begin to feel like he's trying really hard to make it up to us when he failed to be there for us when we need him. and we always need him.

At night, recently, I can't sleep well. everytime I try to close my eyes, these crystal-like liquid started to fill my eyes. I wonder why that happen. They told me that I'm feeling stressful. but who doesn't? when your dad was a living zombie. That bitch poison him with her lies. The witch cursed him with her black magic. He had no control over his own soul. He's their toy puppet. I hate that ugly bitch. sorry to say, I hope she burns in hell.

Seriously, all my friends are worried about SPM, while I worry about my Abah. but its all gonna be okay now. I know it will. Thank God. I can't handle this anymore, hopefully its over for good.

That Dream

It was a wonderful dream.

Unfortunately, I will never know the ending 'cause I woke up before it ends. Its 4.20 am now. That is early. I mean, I couldn't even wake up at 7 am yesterday.

What's the dream about? well, I can't tell you. why? Ever heard before that if you tell someone your dreams, it may never come true. haha, yeahh. that line was picked out of Walt Disney's Cinderella. you can tell now that I watch a lot of Disney cartoons.

Rejection + The Cousin Factor

Waking Up really early to post something. NO, there's no great news or great things to post about. Its just that in no time my little sisters are gonna wake up and I don't have the chance to give an update.

Here's the thing.

I am excited to go back to KL and I am scared too. I'm scared of rejection; not by the guy but by my friends. Okay, this is gonna sound weird but Idk what my friends think of me. I'm scared that if I change, they wont accept me. I'm scared that if I meet them, its gonna be different. They're stylish but I am not. They talk make up and fashion, boys/their boyfriend, and up-to-date stuff, but I don't. whoa, I'm a Loser. and really no one wants to hang out with me.

There's another thing too.

We're gonna visit Nenek at Perak. and Ummi told me that there's a majlis makan-makan for my cousin's newborn baby girl. I'm grateful and all that I get to be an Aunt.

BUT, and that's a big BUT, I kinda have this cousin, guy, 18 years old. Well, when I was 4, I have a crush on him. okay, idk what I was thinking back then. I always thought he has leadership material and he's a lot of fun. This 'thing' is brought up when I'm in Form 2. he told me he like like me. but Hello? Cousins, remember? so, we text-messaged each other. here's the summary, he is actually over protective and in a creepy way. My sister told me her friend was once his gf and she said that she broke up with him because he wouldn't give her some air to breathe. he's weird but I don't want to upset his feelings and he kinda thinks that I still like like him. Dude, that's far from the truth. so, I'm hoping that I wont see him during the holidays. but What if I do? What will I do? God, Help me, Please?

Another Monday Has Past

Monotonous Monday.
I'm counting the days till we get to KL. *lama nyer.
While waiting for the days to pass, I'm finding ways to NOT die of boredom.
I made a friendship bracelet yesterday. It didn't turn out that nice. Anyway, that was only the first try. I'll try another today. wish me luck.

and also I'm gonna watch some DVD; note:need to buy more DVD. I'm bored watching the same old movies.

I have to limit my time on the computer since my little sisters wants to play online games during the holiday. ;(

huh, update on The Guy; I've been crushing for him for like, ever. and I still don't have the guts to tell him that. and anyways, he's in some University now. I mean, why would he even bother to look at me. though the crush fade a bit since I moved to Kuching, its in flames now. Idk how that happen but yeah, that's what happen.


when we were still in the same school. he was with a girl. I love admiring him from a far. but maybe the view is different if I was nearer. . .

Oookaayyyy.....

Homework On Holidays?

So far, the plans are working okay. I mean, almost every morning Ummi and all my sisters would go jogging at the Pustaka. Later, we would go to the Golf Club - Ummi, along and me would go to the gym; my little sisters would go to the pool with our maid to look after them.

and if Ummi isn't going to the gym, I would go to the library they have there and do some homework and reading. I've finished the homework for Addmaths but I haven't done the corrections for year end exam papers. ;( when will all the homework end?

Also, I have one more piano lesson for the last time for '09 since we're going back to KL in two weeks. The teacher had reschedule my lessons so that I don't have to skip any lessons while I am away.

It's been so long since I went shopping. still no shopping. We have to wait for my sister to finish all her SPM papers. It's not like I'm not grateful but we've been doing the same things everyday. and I do get bored easily. I'm living a monotonous life. *sigh

Plan ahead?

I wonder why everyone around me is so smart?

I mean, like this guy from my school. I know he plays this RPG online but he gets straight A's for PMR and better result for exams in Form 4. Dude? He doesn't look like he's working his butt off to get straight A's. but how does he do it? and he is so NOT a Nerd. He has brains AND looks. yeah, ikr? *drop-dead gorgeous

This kept me thinking, I have Addmaths homework that hasn't been touch since the last day of school. and teacher wants us to hand in the homework on the first day next year. I'm not sure if I have time to finish it and get my life in order. it really is a mess now.

Plan? I don't usually follow when I plan things. Well, lets name the things to do on this school break. and hopefully I'll do something about it. I've wasted so much time already.

• Additional Mathematics Homework ( Important : finish this to avoid being strangled by teacher ;D )
  
• Workbooks ( I have to finish the Form 4 workbooks while I still have my textbooks )
• Gym? I am seriously NOT in shape right now. and ummi seems to enjoy bringing me there. HAHA
  
• Piano? Need to practice more at home. before SPM comes and I have no time to play it.
• update my wardrobe. Lets go SHOPPING ?
  
• pack my bags for KL *whoot

I'm going back to BSD from 17 Dec to 31 Dec. KL HERE I COME !
Lets watch New Moon together? my parents went to see it without telling me or my sisters. ;(

His return,

I hate it when parents said they know you so much. Well, THEY DON'T. Try being at home for a change. Try to get to know the kids and their friends. Let me get this straight ; You don't have a family just because you say you have a family. You only have a family when you make it as a family. Frankly, I'm living with strangers.

btw, Abah is home. but i liked it better when he's not. I mean, there's less argument when he's not around. I mean, I can't even talk to him. When he asks for something, a glass of water for example, I go get for him. but then he didn't even ask nicely. Which offended me. I didn't eat one whole day.

There were chocolates of course. but not the nice ones. Its the cheap chocs from the airport. It didn't change anything anyway.

ps; ada hari keluarga petang nanti. idk if i want to go or not.
pss; maybe going to a movie after the hari keluarga ends.

That unwished Birthday.

I mean, there is another way to have Abah back without hurting him. Well, I admit it. It was partly my fault for not wishing him a Happy Birthday.

On Monday, Abah went to KL without telling us. He texted ummi when he's already at the airport. He lied saying that he has some work there. We didn't saw it coming. I mean, I just don't think that he'll go away. Abah also told Ummi that he's sad 'cause a certain someone forgotten his birthday.

I remembered his birthday! just that I don't know what to give or say to him. And also because I slept late the night before and end up waking 1.30pm. by that time, Abah is at Golf. and he balik lambat. at the end, I didnt see him for the rest of the day.

Ummi remembered but she was still angry about all the things he did to Ummi. Actually, Ummi didn't wish him a Happy Birthday on purpose. Ummi gave up hoping that Abah would change. She tried several ways to get him to tell us the whole story. Ummi become a living dead after we know partly about the truth. but now, she's furious.

But maybe Ummi is right. Maybe Abah needed the 'alone time' to think about all what he did. and clear up his act.

Okay, I think that we all need to think about everything we did in a day. and make a better tomorrow. it could only take a minute to think about it. Its time to get that conscience get up and judge whether what we did is right or wrong.

I personally think that Ummi AND Abah need to push the arrogant away and start to have a heart to heart conversation. THEY'RE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN. I DON'T WANT TO BE THE GROWN UP HERE.

I can't take this anymore. When will he be back? and What will happen if he comes home?

Friday the Thirteenth

Bad Luck Day / Hari Permuafakatan

Hari Permuafakatan today but my parents are too busy to come. I don't blame them just because abah is no where near to Kuching and ummi has that meeting and her pengetua sekolah wouldn't let her leave early.

If only uncle Izhar was here. I mean, he's not my uncle. and he's not that old to be called uncle; he's only in his early 20's. I only call him 'uncle' 'cause he's my abah's staff workers from kem. If I call him abang Izhar, that would just be creepy.

Last year, he drove us to school everyday. and even when my parents couldn't make it to the report card day/hari permuafakatan, he's there to be my 'abah' for a day. btw, to be honest, he acts like a real father than my abah. He has that fatherly character in him. I don't mean to be rude, I mean, my abah is still my abah, but I just wished that he'd be more for us. and not somewhere else with some other people...

But this year, uncle Izhar is not around to go and take the report card with me. Dia dah naik pangkat, jadi dah sibuk lah kat department lain.

i miss him.