and sigh

I wish to be somewhere else.
I wish to be anywhere else but here.
I wish I could fly.
I wish I am high.

then, be someone else today.

but all I could do is sigh
and lay on my bed
to think of all the wishes

that will never happen.

DIE. DIE. DIE.

Okay, people might call me a bit crazy, like really crazy. I did addmath homework in class and suddenly broke down and cry; "shut up! shut up! shut up!"

and Ashley was sitting beside me looked at me in a state of confusion; "I didn't say anything...?"

yeah, teacher was writing something on the board and I didn't look around to find anyone that heard me. my vision was clouded. and three straight days after that, I had very ill-looking eyes.

I was really pissed off on that morning. I couldn't study. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think straight.

DIE. DIE. DIE.
I chant a word that I want something to happen. I chant it 3 times as if I was doing a spell. or a wish to be granted.

it didn't work. nothing works. all is just to calm me down.

I don't wanna go to school. I don't wanna stay at home. I don't wanna be here.

I wish, I wish, I wish
that all of this did not happen.
that they would stop.
that I could die.

I believe that I couldn't survive. survive SPM. surviving life.

and yes Nora, nobody reads this. because this is crap.

Meg Cabot, Meg Cabot, Meg Cabot

after looking at Meg Cabot's pictures in photo shoots and stuff, and looking at my teacher's lovely face at school, I realize that MY ENGLISH TEACHER LOOKS LIKE MEG CABOT ;) both are beautiful.

Enough about that, THERE'S GONNA BE A MOVIE ON AVALON HIGH. LIKE, OH. MY. GOD. I hope it's good. It better be. haha,

and THERE'S ALSO GONNA BE A MOVIE ON THE MEDIATOR SERIES. I can't wait. I'm hyper super freaking excited about it.

and ! THE NEW AIRHEAD:RUNWAY BOOK also by Meg Cabot is going to be out on the month of MAY. PLEASE, I CAN'T CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT. THIS IS HUGE for me. I've been waiting patiently for it. EVERY TIME I went to the bookstore, I'll search for that book and after months doing that, I started to google online. YES, I JUST FOUND OUT THAT IT WONT BE OUT TILL MAY.

After having all these excitement, I'm not so bummed out about my Biology result which is 48% only. GREAT. HOW WILL I BE A VETERINARIAN WITH A RESULT LIKE THAT?!

And Abah has started talking about Universities and scholarships to me. The only A+ result I got is Mathematics, I'm not sure how this subject could help me with my career path.

Anyway, I'M HUNGRY. FEED ME FOOD. ;)

So, yeah

uh huh.
Ummi's going to umrah. Alhamdulillah.

I've told Ashley about him. and her reaction was, "Why?!"
Yeah, okay, I don't actually tell her why do I like him.
because I don't know why I like him.
because there's no word for me to express it all out.
Okay, mainly because he has a great voice especially when you hear him recite the Qur'an. but Ashley wont understand that.
like I expected from her, she sat there staring blankly into me and just say, "Oh"

The more I talk to people about this, the more I feel less and less tension when I have to talk to him.

but, I stormed out on Friday. The class monitor is being a jerk. I hate him for no reason. He's annoying, mainly.
He was about to discuss with me and Him about the decorations for our class.

Essay about my future?

I have to think about my future.
Why?
because the teacher wants me to write an essay about 'MY FUTURE PLANS'.
That's it, I expect to have a short future but we all can't just guess when is our death. Its best to just live with whatever happens.
I'm scared that when I plan things for tomorrow and did not have the chance to actually do it, I will leave everything with regrets.
Regret to actually plan it, regret to actually plan for nothing at all.
I'm scared to actually falling in love and not getting to tell him that.
I'm scared of whatever happens next. its unexpected.
I'm such a coward.

Since it's English's homework, I HAVE to do it.
I did a draft about my future plan.
I reread it and feel like a liar.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
and the guilt kills me.

I feel like if all my plans were written in a paper, I would actually have to FOLLOW it.
and I'm bored of following the lines. I'm not going to be happy that way. and yet, when will I feel happy?

I had not hand in the essay, yet.
I'll rewrite it, okay Madam ?