Curse or Blessing?

Oh Hi.
This feels awkward.
I'm an introvert, I get flustered and nervous easily around people I'm not familiar with. Malu nak tegur this blog sebab dah lama tinggal dia berhabuk.

So shall I begin to the last time I left you?

September.
I battled with my gut and my parents. I told EVERYONE that I might want to get into another school for fashion design. I might even consider going to a private one. heh. RM19000 just for a foundation? Then, a degree that's RM91000. uhm I'm not rich.

I was even gonna consider telling my dad, but he and I were never in good terms. I was like, nehhh, takpayah nak peningkan otak. But in my heart, I feel so sad that I couldn't continue else where and harvest my full potential.

October.
Semester 1 ended.
I got 2 weeks of holiday. Which flew by as fast as light. I had only 48hours more or less at home then I hopped on a bus to Kelantan just so I could carry my two boxes home to KL, and of course have an entire day with my friends. Oh I was happy seeing familiar faces and how time is just running out. Though I didn't get the chance to meet up with everyone, Seeing these faces make me extra happy.

November.
This was just a few weeks ago.
Start of a new semester. It became busier than my first semester here. I thought people there would catch up with the speed and do their work properly. But no, I feel trapped and as if I couldn't move forward anymore. These people ask me questions on how to help them on things, simple petty things that when I answer them, it feels like I've insulted them. These simple petty things to me are, something you can think by yourself, common sense wei. Somehow they don't have that kemahiran berfikir.
I even cried in the phone with Along because I feel stressed out that they keep on asking me these things and I can't even focus on my own thing to do. I said,
"I WANT OUT. I'M GONNA FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO STUDY. A PLACE THAT'S ACTUALLY MY LEVEL."

I can't do that, can I?

I'm not rich, plus I pull myself out of UMK, tak kan lah nak minta Abah support me financially in another place? Entah bagi entah tak.

I told myself, I need a fresh start. I need to see the positive side on this. Yes.

It only take that person to turn the obstacle into a curse or a blessing.

I had no real friends that I connected with. I tried to call Wafi and text him but he just seems so busy...like all the time. I  needed him but he wasn't there.

I kept on waiting but it seems like he wasn't interested in telling me whats going on in his life, just like how I was trying to do with him. We kinda drifted.

I broke up with Wafi.

That was that but we promised to be friends.

December.
New fresh start. I found my focus. a business for me to go on. Haven't started it yet but it will.

by QasrinaAmelia

How's that for a label? *angkat2 kening*

Kosong-kosong

My Mum is an English teacher at a secondary school in Malaysia. She thinks that all her children should have a higher education than her. I second her on that. I wanted to be better. I want to do well.

"Kalau Ummi belajar sampai degree kat Canada, anak-anak Ummi mesti lah tinggi dari tu. Masters ke PhD ke."

I always imagined myself studying abroad for my tertiary level education. I haven't given up yet.

I wanted to be a Veterinarian since I was 14 years old. I think decided on that after I brought home a stray and took care of her. She was still a baby.

My Mum can't imagine myself being a Veterinarian. She had always see me being an English teacher or even an accountant; seeing that my SPM result turn out A+s for English, Maths and Addmaths.

I was stubborn. I didn't want to be a teacher because I know how she has always have to juggle time for her students at school and us at home. She rarely cooks but had fed us well. I didn't want to be an accountant even though I like numbers. I told her that I want to study at UPM, then somehow having my degree or Masters in Australia. I even look up online for Universities that offer Veterinary Medicine. It was a foggy plan but I believe in it. I was confident that someday my plans would work out.

She gave in on me being a Vet but I can't study in UPM because I got a campus in Bintulu. I had never been away from my family before and my Mum had just become my best friend. So, we settled for a foundation in Entrepreneurial Science  which she told me that I can further my degree in Vet later. I was thrilled and scared and excited all at the same time.

When my Grandma asked me what am I gonna study later, I told her I'm gonna be a Vet.

She laughed.

Like it was the silliest thing ever.

"Ingatkan jadi doktor orang. Rupanya doktor haiwan."

I walled up. It hurt a little and I told myself that it wont get to me. Somehow its become etched in my memory.

After three semesters there in foundation, I obtained dean's list for every semester.

"I showed them.", I told myself, feeling smug.

Then it comes the sad part. Dean's list pun tak layak jadi Vet? Penipu.

I feel betrayed and sick. I fell into my second choice course.

Fast forward, three semesters later, my Mum asked me again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I was glad she asked. "No."

First day back to Semester 4, I already told my roomies. I want something else. For the entire semester I look up schools for fashion design. Uitm? Kolej Komuniti? London Fashion School?

I was sad to leave my friends but I know I would be sadder to say goodbye to my dream. At the end, my friends would be happy with their own job and life. Where as I might leave some part of me behind. I can't let that happen again. I'm gonna be better. I'm going to be strong.

I never thought I would have this second chance at trying.

I build up new dreams. I set up new goals. I drafted my whole life plan. But I am better prepared this time. I know that things wont go as planned, I know Allah have always given me the best. I know this because I have the best Mum ever. Whatever happens, I wont get too attached to the plan I drafted but make sure to love what Allah gives instead. Allah akan lorongkan jalan. always. I believe in that.

So, here I am. kosong-kosong.

Well. Not entirely kosong-kosong. I know in my (almost) 21 years alive, I lived. I have been in spelling competition and story telling in primary school. I tried Tae Kwon Do and Piano in my secondary school. in my tertiary education, I went hiking, I joined debate club, I won a debate competition, I made lifetime friends, I finally made a decision in my own life: I'm gonna choose my next school. I'm gonna aim higher. I even polish my drawing and art skills because I want to be a fashion designer, even though I took a science stream in my secondary school! I keep telling myself, I am better than this. I should start showing my potential. Who knows what's next? KLFW? London Runway?


by Nora Amelia

Fan Girl

Eric Bana

from movie The Time Traveler's Wife

Alejandro Manzano 

from Boyce Avenue

Gerard Butler

from PS. I Love You

I can see a pattern here. Can you? 

HAHA

Saya bukan pokok

Allow me to clarify.

I might be someone who can't finish a lot of things. Let me tell you, my current degree course has no MQA. My foundation that I went through before that degree, has no MQA certified.

"So, kiranya kalau mohon mana2 University, depa tak terima lah?" Fert asked. I met him in debate club. He was in his fourth year when I was in my first. He founded UMK Desperate Debaters. Also hold an Anugerah Diraja or Anugerah Cancelor when he graduated. Now he's furthering in his PhD.

Yes. that's what happened. But I'm glad I went through all that years, because I might not notice that I like sewing. I like pattern in clothes. I like how the finished product looks like. I liked this when I was in my Foundation, when we have to sell things and I chose to do my own felt keychain and brooch.

If I went to UPM, instead of that foundation, I wouldn't know anything about entrepreneurship, probably. I just wanted to be a Veterinanrian dulu.

In my age of almost turning 21 this year, I realise that I am one of those people who is just trying to figure out what to do with life.

There are people who are lucky enough to know what they want to do in life with first try. While others are still figuring out. But most of them would just settle for what they are given. That's not how it should be. Allah wanted us to rebel and fight for what we want. Its just a test for us to break free from our entire life of slavery; doing things that we don't love.

Let me tell you. It is not too late.

Dulu saya kata saya nak buka animal shelter. Yes, it will happen in the future. Tak semestinya kalau saya tukar ke arah lain, saya tak mungkin nak capai impian tu?

So, please please. Restrain yourself from doubting what I do. I see it clearer on this path. 

I did not waste my years here. I developed. And I'm just applying what I learn. I love how Debate Club teaches me confidence. I love how Kelab Nutrisi taught me that I need to take care of my health and my loved ones, and it teaches me the value of having dreams. and that its possible to achieve. 

"Kita diciptakan sebagai manusia. Kita ada akal. Kalau kamu tak suka hidup kamu sekarang, ubah. Allah dah beri kita keistimewaan untuk berubah.

Lain lah kalau kamu ni pokok. Kalau pokok durian ada impian nak jadi pokok rambutan, tak kan jadi, pokok durian tu tetap pokok durian. Sebab Allah jadikan kita sebagai manusia, khalifah dunia, kita mampu berubah. Kita bukan pokok."

Dr Idros, pengasas Kelab Nutrisi.

So, I found my passion. I'm going towards that.

I need your support. Not your doubts.

Amelia

Loopy

Song: Lets Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits
By: Magnetic Fields

I guess, I like songs that are in that vibe. Like the singer is high or something. I think that guy singing "What does the Fox say?" is not sober. "Anyone Else But You" by The Moldy Peaches are great too. Cute and quirky kind of way. Gimme more Indie.

Its like, feeling high without the drugs, not that I ever had any.

Sorry for the crazy talk. I'm sick. Its not an exam unless I am sick. Probably due to the fact that I have to sit in an air-conditioned room (my seat is directly under the air-con, btw), for two hour and a half. Not to mention my butt feels numb after sitting for so long. -_____-'

Then after all that cold temperature, I have to walk under the hot weather. Plus, petang-petang kat sini hujan lebat after the hot afternoon. My body can't regulate temperature fast enough to adapt.

Not complaining. Just telling you how it is here.

On an unrelated note, I am letting go some of my things. Old sweaters, throwing out my old Converse since I was 16, and some of the things I don't think I need. Can't carry much on my way back to KL. Can't leave things too much either.

So, yeah. G'day to you. Salam Nifsu Syaaban. Don't forget to recite Yaasin tonight and have solat sunat and all that (:

Amelia

Statement

I always thought that numbers are just numbers.

So here's a sentap moment when your partner implies that you should grow up. Yes, he implied, he didn't say it but I knew what he meant. Its just like Ummi saying, "Angah, ummi dahaga lah." She doesn't have to say it, but I knew she wanted me to go get that glass of water for her. 

Each time I'm writing down my age on an application form or something, I wish it is still 20. Now, I have to be reminded that I'm almost 21 and yet still has to figure out what to do with my life. I mean, I have plans, but I don't know what to start with, and how to start it. 

Now, age defines maturity. I never like that statement. But most people in the grown up world think its true. I don't live in that grown up world. But I would have to join that club sometime in the future. Soon, apparently.

The thing is, I feel like I grew up so fast (imagine what Ummi feels). I am probably the most mature among my sisters. No offense to Along, she actually admitted to it. I knew most grown up things when I was 14 years old. But that does not include driving. Haha. 

That was probably the reason why if I'm not around my family, I am this immature little brat, trying to pry attention from people.

Well, you know what. You're right. Fun's over. It's time to grow up. 

But this does not guarantee you that I will be wise up to your expectations. 

Baby steps,

Amelia

Dear Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,

People are saying that you can't do it. You can't achieve this, you can't achieve that. But don't get discouraged. They don't know what they're saying because only you and Allah can see your own vision of your future.

Yes, you might lose your way but that is the point. There is no straight short cuts to your dream. Ordinary people will think there is only 2 paths, one to success and one to failure. They don't know that there is only one path. But in that path to success, there will be a lot of failure. You don't stop at any failures. You get up and you come back stronger. Once you get up, you're one step closer to your dream. As cliche as it sounds, its the truth and it happens exactly like it is. 

So, Dreamer, don't give up. Even if you hear others laughing at your dream, you have to make sure that you have the last laugh. 

I have always imagine a fulfilled wish would be the day that you have run that extra mile and you're still not tired. Instead you crave more and more. And each time you get to the finish line, you get to put your hands up and say "I did it!". Imagine that smile upon your face. That satisfaction. That hard work.

And it will never be a competition against others. The most important thing is to compare yourself to your own. Beat your last records, and find the joy in moving forward.

If you can't seem to move forward, just take one step. Polish your thoughts, get new inspirations, get new goals. You will do just fine, I'm sure.

So, little Dreamer, dream big. You have great things ahead for you. Go get it.

Amelia

Hey there Little Bride

I just got your invite. Thank Allah that my exam ends on the 18th, and still in time for your wedding, on the 21st June.

I am basically speechless. I still can't believe this.

Remember how we used to be these teenagers and rant on every single thing and say things like boys will be boys, like there's no hope for love. Haha. Look at us now. Look at you now. (:

Suhana, I am very happy for you. I hope everything will go well for you. I hope Andrew takes care of you very well. I feel like hugging you. I wonder how your Mum feels. I wonder how Baina feels. I wonder how my wedding would be like. Berangan.

I don't know if you read this, but if you do, it sure hell would bring back memories. Thanks for helping me get through those school years after I move to Kuching. Thanks Baina, Suhana for the support system to all my crazy teen angst years. Haha, now I feel like the mother of the bride, giving away her daughter.

I guess there's nothing left to say except, I wish you a happy marriage. Oh wait, there's much to say, tunggu kat wedding reception nanti.

Love ya,
Amelia

Bucket List

Before I kick the bucket. The extended list of what I want to do before I die.
Aside from what I've written in this post; I have few others and some that I have achieved.

• Do volunteer work
• Go to Big Bad Wolf Bookfair
• Go Ice Skating
• Finding myself
• Find a passion and pursue that
• Create Boho Chic style 
• SKYDIVING
• Graduate in any degree
• Read a total of 100 books/novels from 21 to 31 years old
• Playing video games for as long as I can without being judged or disturbed (Record time before being disturbed; 5 hours. So lame =______=)
• Make an illustration and get it published somewhere
• Write a letter to everyone who has influenced me in life and make people find it after I die 
• Go to Europe and breathe air
• Find a new hobby every year (2014 - Drawing/Doodling, 2015 - ?)
• Actually finish a medication as prescribed by the doctor (I never finish any antibiotics or whatever)
• Give away my clothes and empty out my closet. MAKE OVER.
• Hug a kangaroo (Are they huggers ? O.o I might get kicked by doing that)
• Go without gadgets (Phone, Laptop, MP3 Players, etc) for 18 hours, for 100 days : 0 days

So far, that's it. 

Amelia

I didn't make it.

Oh well, there is always plan B and C and D and other alphabets.

But surely, I have some things up my sleeves. This time, I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to have to keep it real close to heart. For Ummi. For Mama.

So, here I am. I'm back. Be ready.

-Amelia

Its almost June

But its still early May.

I held back some tears from the shower. Which made my eyes and nose turn blush red.
Do you miss me too?
She sums up how my childhood was like. Warm, disciplined, happy.

At least that's what I thought she was. Happy.

Later on, I realised that she was one of the people who was mistreated. She reminded me of Ummi. She was a Mualaf. and wasn't being taught Islam well. But that doesn't stop her from being very gentle and nice to me and Along when we were still learning ABCs.

AlFatihah.

Absolute Chocolate.

I should start off by brushing off these cobwebs on this blog. Phew. Its been a long time, hasn’t it?
I was thinking, instead of wallow my feelings and getting my bed soaked with tears, I thought I should just get it over with by writing my feelings down.

Lets get to the point.

There was one thing that had me in the guts. Birthdays. And how lonely birthdays have been lately. Not on my birthday. But on my family. I couldn’t care less about my birthday. It would be special if it has chocolate cake and my family around me.
Last time it happened was when I was about to enter Kolej Mara Kulim. Ummi brought home a Secret Recipe’s cake and “Happy Birthday and Congrats, Angah” was written over it. I tasted lovely in my mouth. That was my last birthday cake ever since.
There were some bitter birthdays. The one when I was watching Benjamin Button on TV that morning and my parents were arguing. I didn’t mean to think about the bad stuff…but I just do. I have a good memory, even the ones I didn’t mean to remember.

We never have cakes anymore.

Usually we try to make it special. But it has never been anymore. I can’t go into details here. I just miss the times when it was normal.

No, wait. It wasn’t normal when it was normal. I just thought it was normal because I know less. And that had saved me from feeling uncomfortable and out of place on birthdays. I can’t help my tears when I type down these words. How has it been hard on me to admit to this. I WANT THINGS TO BE NOT COMPLICATED.

Amelia

Procrastination Addict

Having the time to watch Awkward season 4 when I have a video assignment and presentation due means that I have serious issues in procrastination.

So here is my guilt trip ride for my faults.

Focus, Nora. You need to FOCUS. You cant think that things are going to go your way without having a little effort. Stop worrying. Worry is for those who solely rely on their own efforts; which should have been putting your faith on Allah as well.

I need to make a list.

1. FOCUS.
2. What do I NEED to do to survive? Eat. Pray. Love.
3. Baby steps on presentation; Read journals and important points. Make sure to meet up with groupmembers and Puan Khairiyah. I feel like ditching the group and enter a new one. Anyone want me in? 
4. German Video with script and translation. and pictures. We're going to Europe, baby! Experience cultures.
5. PLL (:

Whisper

Sometimes I notice things and I follow as if its a clue. I get fixated and try to understand and relate these things. I mean, why do I have the thought of clicking this site or even have the thought of searching? Why is it me and not anyone else?

Sometimes, I think that Allah is trying to tell me things and I just have to listen. After a while, I tried to understand and figure out what exactly do You want me to respond with? Maybe I need to change my ways? Maybe I should change the way I think? Maybe this maybe that and many maybes more.

But I'm glad I get the message. Thank You.

Amelia

Say Alhamdulillah. Thank You Allah.

I feel like every word that I wrote down is like a letter written to Allah. I am never good at constructing words and say them out loud. But Alhamdulillah, Allah helps me in my writing, my doa just so I could find a healthy way to express myself.

Dear Allah. I'm not have always been the good person that I can be. I have my ups and downs. Sometimes, I even fall deep.
 But 
I hope that I could be better and will be better in the future. 
Ikhlaskan niatku, ya Allah.

Because Mainstream is too mainstream

All American Rejects - Move Along
All American Rejects -  Dirty Little Secrets
All American Rejects - I Wanna
All American Rejects - Gives You Hell
Avery - Go Screw Yourself
Avery - Love Me or Let Me Go
Avril Lavigne - Take me away (B-side album)
Avril Lavigne - Don't Tell Me
Avril Lavigne - He Wasn't
Avril Lavigne - M y happy ending
Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home
Becca - I'm Alive
Cody Simpson - Don't Cry your Hearts Out
Cody Simpson - Crazy But True
Estrella - Stay
Glee - L.O.V.E.
Glee - Whistle
Glee - Chasing Pavements
Goldspot - Rewind
Greenday - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Greenday -  21 Guns
Greenday - Wake Me Up When September Ends
HeyHiHello - Louder Than Words
Hey Monday - Candles
Hey Monday - Homecoming
Hilary Duff - Someone's Watching Over Me
Imagine Dragons - It's Time
Jessie J - Who's Laughing Now
Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul
Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know
Jesse McCartney - Right Where You Want Me
Jesse McCartney -Leavin'
Joe Brooks - Someday (Ok)
Joe Brooks - Rules of Attraction
Joe Brooks - Superman
Lemonade Mouth - Determinate
Lemonade Mouth - Breakthrough
Lifehouse - You and Me
Maddi Jane - Secrets
Maddi Jane - If This Was a Movie
Magnetic Fields - Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits
N'Sync - Bye bye bye
One Republic - Stop and Stare
Paramore - The Only Exception
Paramore - Ignorance
Paramore - Brighter
Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah
Ruffedge - Bila Rindu
Shaden - Dunia Belum Berakhir
Simple Plan - Me Against The World
Simple Plan - Shut Up
Simple Plan - Untitled
Simple Plan - Perfect
Skye Sweetnam - Music is my Boyfriend
Skye Sweetnam - Number One
Skye Sweetnam - Just The way I Am
Skye Sweetnam - Make Out Song
Spice Girls - If You Wanna Be My Lover
Taylor Swift - The Story Of Us
The Band Perry - If I Die Young
The Fray - How To Save A Life
The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You
The Veronicas - Untouched
Tonight Alive - Amelia
Yuna - Memo
Yuna - Permission
Yuna - Random Awesome
Yuna - Super Something
Yuna - Walking Like A Dream
Yuna - Raya Oh Yeah
Yuna - Tourist
Yuna - Fading Flower
Yuna & Qi - KL Kita

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
SECONDHAND SERENADE
You know that feeling when you listen to this song then, instantly it takes you back to that one time when you feel so much connected to that song.

Wanna know a secret? Every time I listen to Yuna's Dan Sebenarnya, it will take me back when I was this girl wearing braces having this crush on a guy that I never even once talked to. Hint hint. Feeling kinda dorky.

There was also this phase (2007 - 2009) where I was kinda rebelling and wore black over black and thick eye liner. My Chemical Romance and Avril Lavigne was always on replay. I remember one time in Form 2, I was walking home from school with few of my friends. Me, Sameer and Iddin (maybe sometimes Cupi) has the longest route home. Sameer was telling me that he has tickets to see MCR concert and I told him that I had never went to a concert before. I was never too excited to even ask my parents though.

I guess it was also the same day that he said he was going to run away few days before his wedding day so he doesn't have to marry the girl that his father arranged for him to marry. I told him that his life is a real life drama when I soon found out that his father did the same thing, run off to marry his mum, instead of the chosen bride picked by his grandfather.

See what I mean, the songs are a chain of memories. Random thoughts and ideas pop up.
These songs; it usually feel like those nostalgic moments with a touch of sugary sweetness. I will always have this thought of how much I've grown up and developed since I first heard the song.
Replaying the song would be like riding a time machine, just so you could be in touch of that feeling again. Here comes the endorphins.

*a tap on my shoulder*
"Tak kuat sangat ke awak pasang lagu tu?"
"huh? tak~"
"Sebab saya boleh dengar kat sini, padahal awak pkai headphones"
er. =_____= that's just how I roll. haha.

Amelia 

I never told anyone

 Sometimes, I am sick of people telling me how I can’t do this and I can’t do that. I know I know, I should have known better that what other people think of me does not define who I am. 

I never told anyone other than close friends that I am going for that hiking trip. I never told anyone that I am applying for fashion design in Uitm. I never told anyone that I care more of what to wear than what I’m going to learn at classes these days. I never told anyone that I’m spend most of the time looking at clothes online and pictures and fabrics that my friends or random strangers wear in classes, just so I could get a hint of inspiration in creating my own portfolio. I never told anyone that I’m always at the library just so I could write this blog privately. I never told anyone that I’m scared of the interviews that I may go to so that I could go to that fashion school. I never told anyone that my life could change into something even more wonderful but I’m too afraid to do that bald move. I never told anyone that I’m not happy doing things that I’m not into just so I could finish my degree. I never told anyone that it feels like everyone is continuously laughing at me when I keep on trying new things. I never told anyone that I am hiding most of the time because I’m scared at what people think of my decision at applying something entirely different than I know.

They say I’m weak. They say I’ll never make it. Do I even have a chance at this? Ya Allah, help me. Spare me from being too concern of what people think of me. Ya Allah, I’m still figuring things out and I need courage from You to figure things out. Ya Allah, please prepare me.

Relieved.

- Amelia

Finish lines and whatnot

I may have said this before but...I kinda like repetition?

I feel like every brand new day is a day for reinventing yourself. Find the flaw of yesterday, then improve for the future. Insya'Allah, kita cuba okay?

What is our purpose on Earth? Our true calling..
Sometimes human lived more than half of their lives trying to figure it out, and may even still hazy on the things they should do on Earth. Its not as easy as it seems. It might be that you're good at this one thing and you go to pursue it. But once you get it, thats it. What else to it? Find a purpose that is a lifetime or even worth in the afterlife . You know, serve Allah humbly. But it is not just strictly to be Ustaz and Ustazah and preach and stuff. You can be an architect and still see the beauty that Allah had created and find a way for others to appreciate it. That may be a preach too you know.


You cannot win a race if there's no finish line.  Yet, you can't win a race when you don't even know where the finish line is!

So, find a finish line. Go race to it. You may have little time left.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan ku. Lembutkanlah hati Ummi dan Abah.

Its time to change

Amelia

The month that all soldiers hate.

March.

A lot is going on in this month. Lemme just list it out okay?
4th and 5th March Kempen Derma Darah by Hospital Tanah Merah
7th and 8th March Kolej Komuniti ( Kursus menjahit baju kebaya tradisional ).... canceled?
12th March Book Club Reading
13th March Hiking at Gunung Liang
25th until 29th March Earth Hour UMK Jeli Campus
31 March Submission of Economy and Livestock Marketing Mini project

**Gather sijil and stuff to send to required recipients. Work fast!

die Schönheit

I guess I was trying to find the good in everything. And if you're searching for something good, insya'Allah Allah will lead the way for us.

I'm blessed and grateful for friends and family for their support in which I will never be able to go through anything without Allah's and their help. Alhamdulillah.

Its my first time to perform Solat Istikharah. Tenang. Its like you're ready for Allah to give answers and having that connection and special bond is more than enough for me. Alhamdulillah. Pray for me. Pray for my peace of mind.

Before that, I was like having PMS for a week. Moodswings and anxiety stuff. And its not even 'that time of month' yet. Haihh.

I went for a jog with Zati last night. Yes, at night. Petang taksempat pun. On that wide open field in Jeli Campus, its really clear to find stars. After a few rounds jogging we sat there and talk and try to recognize the stars. I wish I could just lie there and look at the stars, looking at Allah's great creations. Subhanallah cantik.

You might say, "Alah, bintang je pun." For a city girl like me, its so hard to just ease up and find the time to look up at the sky. Lampu terang sangat kat bandar.
Its like a real diamond in the sky. I wish I could share the moment with my loved ones, just breathe the fresh air and look at the beautiful stars. I could actually feel myself smiling.

One night after picking up Lissa from tuition,
Lissa: Angah, come outside, I wanna show you something.
Me: What? *goes outside*
Lissa: Okay, you stand here, face this side okay Angah?
*Lissa positioning me*
Lissa: Now look up. Do you see what I see?
Me: Wahh
Lissa: Do you know the names Angah?
Me: Not really. But I think that three straight stars lining up is the Orion's Belt.
Lissa: Yes it is. *She started drawing empty lines on the sky, trying to connect the dots and make shapes and finally found the guy with bow and arrow*

An interest sparked in me that night. I wish I could see the stars every night. I wish to be able to identify and name most of those stars. Pastu boleh tunjuk kat Lissa (:

Stargaze with me, bucuk?

Amelia

Genius

Here's an honest thought from me.
I have always thought that creating an outfit has its own similarities with creating a dish.
I mean, in an outfit, you will always have one piece of clothing that shines which the rest of the clothing pieces just compliments it; with the awesome color, right way to wear and the right accessories.

In cooking, there's always a main thing in a dish. Chicken, Fish, Meat, Broth or even Pasta. There's gonna be one that shines and the flavor in it compliments the main with side stuff that enhances the taste. Kinda like accessories for clothes.

Here I'm comparing an outfit with a dish. hah. If I can be good at putting together the perfect outfit, then, does that mean I can make great dishes too?

If only it would be that easy. Maybe that's Wafi's corner to mix food. Let me play with clothes. Wheee :P

Amelia

goodbye.

one. make a list.
two. do everything on the list.
three. be free.
check.

Assalamualaikum 2014

*fireworks*
I guess its a little bit too late to wish a Happy New Year to you guys? haha
New years was in the middle of finals. So, I dare not contemplate on the things I did in 2013 on midnight.
Basically, I delayed my New Years after my exams. Boleh ke? Yeshhh 'cause I'm a wizard.

It's Time by Imagine Dragons.

If you see this post : Dear 2013, I have 7 things to achieve and maintain last year.
I achieved 5 /7 of those things. Yeay~~~~~~~squiggly lines

I scrolled and saw my old posts and smiled. Wow, that's everything that had happened in 2013. I'm sure there's more that wasn't documented. Either way, I'm proud of myself. I deserve a pat on my back. Hehe.

I realised that in the year of 2013 I keep on rediscovering myself again and again. I try to read more and eager to learn more. I am not just that average girl. I finally have a clearer view on my dream. Just in 2013, I changed my dream for 3 times. Gila? Taklah. We are inconsistent. That's why we're human. I make mistakes. I feel these mixed emotions and feelings and desires. And I'm proud to be a girl name Nora Amelia. Embracing yourself much? (:

So, what did I learn in 2013 ?

1. I learn to enlarge my dream and invest in myself and the things I love. Enlarge your dream as big as you can and engrave it in your heart. Insya'Allah, Allah permudahkan.
2. I learn that everything will be okay when you talk to Allah. 
3. I learn to listen better. Listen to things that people are trying to say by their expressions and actions. Listen to nature. Basically, I learn to observe and use my senses as well.
4. I learn that whatever you do, do it as if its your last time. After I learn this, I hugged Ummi and my sisters a little longer and more often. What can I say; I'm a hugger.
5. Count blessings everyday.
6. I found courage. I didn't backdown. We won UNESCO Debate.
7. I learn to be rational and buy things only when we need to. Appreciate more.
8. I like ice skating. I plan to indulge myself in the things I love a little bit more. Bowling, Writing, Reading, Rock Climbing? Lets try that.

Alhamdulillah. That's basically the brief summary of what I learn.

What do I hope to have in 2014?

Happiness.

Well, basically I want happiness everyday in my life all year round. This is basically what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be happy. What do I wanna do when I grow up? I want to give confidence to people with their appearances and help them embrace themselves. That's what I wanna do. Occupation will not define who I am. I define myself.

Your time starts now, Amelia. 

Thoughts on 'Thoughts'

These few hours I’ve been inspired by these thoughts and wonderful ideas that just made me even more excited about life and all around.

Instead of being depressed and trying to find the true meaning of life, why don’t you just go and live that life and question the whole world on things and how they’re done. Life isn’t going to give you a one sentence text like, “Life is finding joy”. Life doesn’t have a phone to call or text you to even converse.

Life is going to be a compilation of answers when you ask that question to the world “Why?”. And you won’t know that true meaning of your life…when you don’t ask those questions. Duh. You know I was going to say that, right?

And this is the problem of the mentality of people, they don’t ask questions; they receive and accept everything without any doubt that it might be untrue in so many levels. 

Though most of you have heard or known about this, I’ve known and accepted this fact. But I never actually apply it in my daily life. It’s not that I wanted to unquestion things but it’s because of unpracticed methods in my conversations and arguments lead me to accepting everything. Making me naïve to most stuff.

Yet, sometimes you know you’re right and you don’t want to go through all that fight and throwing spineless words. Unnecessary things are basically unnecessary. 

Though in debate, you’ll find people finding facts (or creating facts) just so they could know who has the greater opinion on things. They gave words with spine that could stand tall. Frankly, debating is not a fair game to play. The “so-called” winners of the debate is being judged or adjudicated by people who may or may not be on your side. They win because you’re so good at convincing people or do you win because the jugde is on your side? Who are you to judge? See how I’m making things feel pointless and insignificant? What matters most is your own opinions and your own opinions are beautiful as it is. That does not change who you are. So, don’t.

I know my words and sentences may be messy. That’s just how my unedited mind works. It brings out ideas and pop into this blog that you’re reading. Hoping that you’ll be able to relate how my mind works. Disagree on my thoughts? Maybe I should go read your blog and find ways to relate to it. How are humans having same organs like brains and other body part be called similar when we all have different minds and opinion on things? 

Oh I love the irony. We are technically the same but with different minds which makes us an individual with different aspirations in life.

Amelia

7.45pm 11th January 2014

*Inspired by Tavi Gevinson, Logan LaPlante and Jacob Barnett.

Dominant

Hey awak.
I know I may not be the best that I am. Tapi all your jokes are getting dry and on my nerves. I am never good at giving comebacks but it’s never a given permission for you to push my buttons.

Maybe being too comfortable is getting uncomfortable.

A day has not pass without a dry comment from you about anything that intimidates me. Yes, I’m quiet because I take the high road and let you win. But the fire in me is burning and I can’t find the water to put if off. Sometimes you have to find something to let the steam off.

al-Hijr, 47

Alhamdulillah, Allah bagi ujian. Sabar. Think happy thoughts. Unicorns and Rainbows.
Amelia

Proud

This semester’s final exam is like, much much better than last finals. This time, I have more time for me to study and to review. No more messed up days in study week or even exam days. Alhamdulillah I’m so grateful.

During exam week, me and Along went home and spent (just) two days at home. Huhu. Anyways, Ummi was about to throw out or give away her clothes when she has this burden to let go of them. For a girl who likes vintage stuff, I hop to the opportunity to try out the clothes. Obviously they fit nicely on me.

So, I promised Ummi that I’d take a pic of my outfit each day of exam so I could show her the clothes. Rasa macam fashion show tapi pakai sebab sendiri suka bukan sebab menunjuk. Basically, its exam week, no one would judge whatever it is that I’m wearing as long as its presentable.

Sejak dari kat Asasi lagi that I like to wear my Ummi’s clothings and say, “Ni baju mak saya”. Whee. Honored and very proud to wear those baju.

Can’t wait to wear Ummi’s next outfit. Hehe.

Yes, I'm silly.
Wait, no. I'm Amelia. (: