Imposter

I have always wanted the best. But I never measured myself as being the best there is. I mean, do you compare me with others and wish you had chosen them instead? Am I worth the wait? Yelah, comparisons are easily made once you've had the taste of perfection.

Sometimes I question myself, "Kau. Kau layak ke?"

I'd try whatever I can to prove myself. But I will never know the real answer.

And if you say that I am as good as you think I am, I have a fear that I couldn't live up to that expectation.
I still have my shy side which are sometimes are being misunderstood as being a snob. But yelah, you cannot control everyone's way of thinking. Only Allah can. We just have to show the best image we could potray. Being as honest as possible.

What if
Aku bertepuk sebelah tangan?
Aku syok sendiri?
Aku hanyalah mainan?

-Insecurity

Idea

I remember something that Leonardo de Caprio said in Inception. Well not the exact words lah, but more or less its like this; when you have programmed your mind with an idea, it never goes away. Sometimes you wont even know if its reality or the dreams.

Lets say you imagine yourself up on stage, receiving the honor of being in the Dean's list. You programmed your mind to have that idea. Here's an interesting thing about your brain; your brain can see images that you imagine. It could not tell the difference between a memory or your imagination. So when you daily imagine the dreams you want, it might come true because your brain thinks its real. Its that simple but not a lot of people discover it.

People I surround with nowadays keep talking about dreams. What to achieve..why do you want to achieve it..why is it important that you achieve it. Things like that.

When I said I want to do my masters in vet, I want to do it because I want it to be easier when I later own a poultry farm. Hee takperlu nk panggil vet dah. I realised that getting a masters in vet is not my destination but is a part of the journey. Its not my WHY but its actually my HOW.

More about it later ;)
Amelia

Pushed rights

You are entering my comfort zone.
I usually write down stuff in my gold diary but somehow I liked it better when I type out my feelings here. Gosh.

I am such a PUSH OVER.
"Jangan sampai awak dipijak kepala."

I know I know, I have to step up and be stronger everyday. I have to have principles.

Tapi, aku. Layak ke?

Just because I'm an optimist, it does not mean that I'm naive. I am not. I can think clearly, I just don't have the heart to tell you, 'No'.

Tapi jangan lah pulak sampai orang nak pijak kepala. Takpa, dah settle dah semua. Abaikan.

Then my mind wondered, I realised that the voice in my head is not mine. Its saying the things that I'd like to hear but I know that is not me.

"Hey, Nora Amelia."

Where are you? Who are you? Show yourself.

Are you scared? Please don't hide yourself. 

Do you know why everyone is 'hiding'? People are judged excessively due to their awkward sense of living, walking, expressing and whatnot.

Which lead me to this: are we supposed to mould into the community that have the same kind of characteristics? Where's the individualism in that? What is individualism anyway? Why can't I do what I want without having someone to judge me?

Everyone is afraid of perceptions. Of what others think of you. But so what? You ARE what you THINK you are. Not what others think of you. 

I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. Choosing to : what to wear, what to dream, what to do. Basic human rights lah, so hear this, people all over the world: DON'T TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY. I am what I am. You do not define me.

Give me my human rights.

Amelia