Manja

I've once heard Ummi told me that, " kalau Allah uji kita, bukannya sebab Allah nak susahkan kita, tapi tanda Allah nak tunjuk sayang kat kita. Macam kalau budak-budak bercinta, yang boyfriend dia tu mesti suka sakat, kacau nakal dengan girlfriend tu. Saja nak bermanja. Macam tu jugak hubungan kita dengan Allah. Allah nak tunjuk yang Allah sayang kat kita ni. Nak bermanja jugak :) "

After hearing this from Ummi, I had a long thought and it find it funny because it is so true. I guess this is another way to look into things. Ya Allah, banyak sangat nikmat yang Engkau berikan. Aku bersyukur.

I can never finish counting my blessings of everything that has given to me. Do you know, every time we complain once about something, its better to count 10 blessings after that, that way, we'll stay grateful each day.

For example;

1. Ya Allah, terima kasih kerana berikan aku sepasang mata yang cantik. Aku mampu melihat keindahan ciptaan Mu, aku mampu melihat warna-warna yang aku suka, aku mampu melihat orang-orang yang aku sayang. 
2. Aku mempunyai hidung yang bantu aku untuk bernafas. Allah, you had given me my nose so I could breathe this oxygen, this free oxygen that without it, I may not able to live. For some people, mereka tak dapat bernafas dengan baik, mereka perlukan alat bantu pernafasan.
3. Ya Allah, kau berikan aku mulut untuk aku menzahirkan isi hati ku. I can communicate. Aku mempunyai bibir yang cantik, tidak sumbing. Aku boleh senyum kepada ramai orang, aku boleh makan makanan yang sihat, aku boleh membaca AlQuran :)
4. Ya Allah, I have these pair of ears, I can hear voices of the people I love. I can hear Ummi  and Abah's voices, Wafi's singing, my sister's laughs. Alhamdulillah. I can listen to music, I can listen to talks that motivate me, inspire me.
5. I have these pair of hands, complete with 10 fingers. I can do a lot of things with these hands. That if one of my fingers is gone, I may feel difficult to work. So, with this, I thank You Allah.
6. I have a pair of legs. I can commute from one place to another. Ya Allah, without these pair of legs, I may need the help of people, I may need to use a wheelchair. For that, I thank You Allah, for giving me such great legs that never go tired whenever I need to walk somewhere.
7. Ya Allah, I'm not that tall, I'm not that short. I can always say that there's always someone taller that me, and there's always someone shorter than me. I am petite. I love this height that is fit for this whole body. I can fit in a lot of clothes that I love. I can never ask for more. Alhamdulillah
8. I have a family that is just right for me. I get all my love and care from them. They are not perfect, they're not broken, its just needs a little stitching and healing. I know that time will heal every thing. But if you are not willing to work for that, it may not recover as quickly. Ya Allah, apa-apa pun, I am so blessed.
9. I have friends that are so caring and supportive of me. They encourage me to be better. I get inspired by their stories everyday. I learn from their stories that makes me better myself.
10. Ya Allah, thank you for giving me such great people into my life. Thank you for leading me and Wafi to find each other. Ya Allah, aku berharap hubungan kami berkekalan sehingga ke syurga. Ya Allah, terima kasih. I found someone who loves me for being me. This guy actually love my flaws and quirky aspects, just like how I love his. hehe Ya Allah, cepatkanlah jodoh kami. :P

I've once cried (banyak kali, actually) because I realise how fortunate I am. I have this body that works perfectly, Alhamdulillah. For some people, they may have a few obstacles to overcome, they may not be able to hear, see, or use their hands and legs in their daily lives. Just imagine if one day, Allah took one of these blessings away from you, the person may or may not accept this with ease.

This same goes for when we are sick. Kita akan merungut atau akan bersyukur? Most of us would not feel blessed. But do you know, every time we fell ill, Allah wants to test us whether would we lean on to Allah or do we trust those pills even more? Think about it, Allah gave us health, Allah gave us sickness. So, if we want to get well, there's nothing wrong if we make a doa to Allah. "Ya Allah, sembuhkanlah penyakit aku ini." Its as simple as that.

My point here is, when Allah gave us obstacles, Allah is actually trying to make us strive, to better ourselves. Syukur dengan segala dugaan. Mesti akan ada hikmah. Syukur dengan semua nikmat diberikan.

Contemplating,

Amelia

Title : Aku pengecut

I told Wafi that I miss writing here in my blog and that I would start writing when I feel like I have a topic to write about.

Its not like I haven't thought of anything; its because I had thought about a lot of things and these thoughts got mixed and jumbled up together that I don't know what to write about. See how my mind is so disorganized?

Its a week midterm break. I have a few things to cross off my checklist. Some of it are reviewing/studying my chapters for all subjects, getting a Marimo and research for this topic for our next debate meeting.

Speaking of debate meetings. I don't think I want to involve anymore. It was fun at first but when it comes to projecting your voice on certain topics that you are not familiar with, you began to shrink and shrivel to miniature size. This is where confidence play the part. You can say anything and people believe you...if you have the confidence to lie.

Even how many times you tell yourself that you are better and you can do it and you can fake it to  make it, you would still be this 'pengecut'. You know, there will always be this 'suara halus' or this alternate self saying that you can't do this, you can't achieve that and whatnot.

After a while of running away, and dodging the word 'pengecut', I realise that I made reasons why I don't want to do this and that. I mean, I told myself that I don't wanna join debating again because it discusses things that I don't think I care about. You talk, you argue and point fingers. And even if they do talk about the things that I care about, I would still be at the losing team. I keep telling myself that I'm not good enough. I know I'm not.

Sometimes you just need one person to believe in you. Just one.

Thank you

Amelia

Going

Its not that I have nothing to say. Its just that I think I should only say good good things. No badmouthing anyone. I need to get out of this environment.

Oh what have I become.

Oh Darling

Rational

It takes me less than 5 seconds to fall in love with this pair of shoes. If I have all the money in the world and eating is not essential, I would definitely buy this straight away. huhu.

But as you grew older you will definitely try to constrain yourself from making rush decisions. When I the person pm-ed me the price I am sooooo heartbroken that they could not be mine. huu. RM144 is a lot when you have no job to support your daily spendings. I could last for 3 weeks of food with that kind of money.

Anyone generous enough to buy me this? haha. Takpaaaaa nanti kot kot ada kasut yg lagi cantik and lagi murah...mana tahu kann? ;) Pandai nk pujuk hati kan. =__=

The Fluttershy

I'm an introvert.

I like to do things alone sometimes. That will be the time for me to just think and listen to myself. Because when you are in a crowd, you tend to listen, eavesdrop on every conversation and try to get as many information as you get. Instead of listening to yourself.

Also, I'm quiet around people I'm not familiar with.  Even if they try to include me into their conversations, I just can’t come up with anything. Maybe I'm just blank at that time. Sometimes I wonder why I'm like that.

I'm the kind of person who would find the colour of the sky as interesting. I like to notice the little things. You know, if you wear a red dress, it’s just a red dress. But if you put on some gold bangles with a pair of wedges, it becomes an outfit. I like to point out to the things I like. Don’t be surprised if you don’t know me and I come up to you and say, “I like your shoes”. Weird I am. Yes.

I walk alone more than I am with a group of people. I don’t mind being by myself. I say this because I know a person who just can’t go anywhere by herself. She just needs someone accompany her everywhere. So if you see me somewhere walking alone, don’t say that I am alone because I get abandon. I'm alone by choice. Not by force. I'm not an outcast.

Plus, when I'm alone, I actually get this feeling at ease because when there’s something wrong, I’d like turn to Allah, instead of ranting to other people. If you go complaining to other people, that would just make you sound ungrateful, kan?

I have no idea where this post is inspired from. Maybe I just need this to justify myself, so I can be left alone to do my on things sometimes. And oh! New semester is coming. New semester : new junior. More people. Crowded. I hate crowded places. Hard to focus.

Wish me luck.

This was on 5th September.*