Its almost June

But its still early May.

I held back some tears from the shower. Which made my eyes and nose turn blush red.
Do you miss me too?
She sums up how my childhood was like. Warm, disciplined, happy.

At least that's what I thought she was. Happy.

Later on, I realised that she was one of the people who was mistreated. She reminded me of Ummi. She was a Mualaf. and wasn't being taught Islam well. But that doesn't stop her from being very gentle and nice to me and Along when we were still learning ABCs.

AlFatihah.

Absolute Chocolate.

I should start off by brushing off these cobwebs on this blog. Phew. Its been a long time, hasn’t it?
I was thinking, instead of wallow my feelings and getting my bed soaked with tears, I thought I should just get it over with by writing my feelings down.

Lets get to the point.

There was one thing that had me in the guts. Birthdays. And how lonely birthdays have been lately. Not on my birthday. But on my family. I couldn’t care less about my birthday. It would be special if it has chocolate cake and my family around me.
Last time it happened was when I was about to enter Kolej Mara Kulim. Ummi brought home a Secret Recipe’s cake and “Happy Birthday and Congrats, Angah” was written over it. I tasted lovely in my mouth. That was my last birthday cake ever since.
There were some bitter birthdays. The one when I was watching Benjamin Button on TV that morning and my parents were arguing. I didn’t mean to think about the bad stuff…but I just do. I have a good memory, even the ones I didn’t mean to remember.

We never have cakes anymore.

Usually we try to make it special. But it has never been anymore. I can’t go into details here. I just miss the times when it was normal.

No, wait. It wasn’t normal when it was normal. I just thought it was normal because I know less. And that had saved me from feeling uncomfortable and out of place on birthdays. I can’t help my tears when I type down these words. How has it been hard on me to admit to this. I WANT THINGS TO BE NOT COMPLICATED.

Amelia

Procrastination Addict

Having the time to watch Awkward season 4 when I have a video assignment and presentation due means that I have serious issues in procrastination.

So here is my guilt trip ride for my faults.

Focus, Nora. You need to FOCUS. You cant think that things are going to go your way without having a little effort. Stop worrying. Worry is for those who solely rely on their own efforts; which should have been putting your faith on Allah as well.

I need to make a list.

1. FOCUS.
2. What do I NEED to do to survive? Eat. Pray. Love.
3. Baby steps on presentation; Read journals and important points. Make sure to meet up with groupmembers and Puan Khairiyah. I feel like ditching the group and enter a new one. Anyone want me in? 
4. German Video with script and translation. and pictures. We're going to Europe, baby! Experience cultures.
5. PLL (:

Whisper

Sometimes I notice things and I follow as if its a clue. I get fixated and try to understand and relate these things. I mean, why do I have the thought of clicking this site or even have the thought of searching? Why is it me and not anyone else?

Sometimes, I think that Allah is trying to tell me things and I just have to listen. After a while, I tried to understand and figure out what exactly do You want me to respond with? Maybe I need to change my ways? Maybe I should change the way I think? Maybe this maybe that and many maybes more.

But I'm glad I get the message. Thank You.

Amelia

Say Alhamdulillah. Thank You Allah.

I feel like every word that I wrote down is like a letter written to Allah. I am never good at constructing words and say them out loud. But Alhamdulillah, Allah helps me in my writing, my doa just so I could find a healthy way to express myself.

Dear Allah. I'm not have always been the good person that I can be. I have my ups and downs. Sometimes, I even fall deep.
 But 
I hope that I could be better and will be better in the future. 
Ikhlaskan niatku, ya Allah.