Statement

I always thought that numbers are just numbers.

So here's a sentap moment when your partner implies that you should grow up. Yes, he implied, he didn't say it but I knew what he meant. Its just like Ummi saying, "Angah, ummi dahaga lah." She doesn't have to say it, but I knew she wanted me to go get that glass of water for her. 

Each time I'm writing down my age on an application form or something, I wish it is still 20. Now, I have to be reminded that I'm almost 21 and yet still has to figure out what to do with my life. I mean, I have plans, but I don't know what to start with, and how to start it. 

Now, age defines maturity. I never like that statement. But most people in the grown up world think its true. I don't live in that grown up world. But I would have to join that club sometime in the future. Soon, apparently.

The thing is, I feel like I grew up so fast (imagine what Ummi feels). I am probably the most mature among my sisters. No offense to Along, she actually admitted to it. I knew most grown up things when I was 14 years old. But that does not include driving. Haha. 

That was probably the reason why if I'm not around my family, I am this immature little brat, trying to pry attention from people.

Well, you know what. You're right. Fun's over. It's time to grow up. 

But this does not guarantee you that I will be wise up to your expectations. 

Baby steps,

Amelia

Dear Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,

People are saying that you can't do it. You can't achieve this, you can't achieve that. But don't get discouraged. They don't know what they're saying because only you and Allah can see your own vision of your future.

Yes, you might lose your way but that is the point. There is no straight short cuts to your dream. Ordinary people will think there is only 2 paths, one to success and one to failure. They don't know that there is only one path. But in that path to success, there will be a lot of failure. You don't stop at any failures. You get up and you come back stronger. Once you get up, you're one step closer to your dream. As cliche as it sounds, its the truth and it happens exactly like it is. 

So, Dreamer, don't give up. Even if you hear others laughing at your dream, you have to make sure that you have the last laugh. 

I have always imagine a fulfilled wish would be the day that you have run that extra mile and you're still not tired. Instead you crave more and more. And each time you get to the finish line, you get to put your hands up and say "I did it!". Imagine that smile upon your face. That satisfaction. That hard work.

And it will never be a competition against others. The most important thing is to compare yourself to your own. Beat your last records, and find the joy in moving forward.

If you can't seem to move forward, just take one step. Polish your thoughts, get new inspirations, get new goals. You will do just fine, I'm sure.

So, little Dreamer, dream big. You have great things ahead for you. Go get it.

Amelia

Hey there Little Bride

I just got your invite. Thank Allah that my exam ends on the 18th, and still in time for your wedding, on the 21st June.

I am basically speechless. I still can't believe this.

Remember how we used to be these teenagers and rant on every single thing and say things like boys will be boys, like there's no hope for love. Haha. Look at us now. Look at you now. (:

Suhana, I am very happy for you. I hope everything will go well for you. I hope Andrew takes care of you very well. I feel like hugging you. I wonder how your Mum feels. I wonder how Baina feels. I wonder how my wedding would be like. Berangan.

I don't know if you read this, but if you do, it sure hell would bring back memories. Thanks for helping me get through those school years after I move to Kuching. Thanks Baina, Suhana for the support system to all my crazy teen angst years. Haha, now I feel like the mother of the bride, giving away her daughter.

I guess there's nothing left to say except, I wish you a happy marriage. Oh wait, there's much to say, tunggu kat wedding reception nanti.

Love ya,
Amelia

Bucket List

Before I kick the bucket. The extended list of what I want to do before I die.
Aside from what I've written in this post; I have few others and some that I have achieved.

• Do volunteer work
• Go to Big Bad Wolf Bookfair
• Go Ice Skating
• Finding myself
• Find a passion and pursue that
• Create Boho Chic style 
• SKYDIVING
• Graduate in any degree
• Read a total of 100 books/novels from 21 to 31 years old
• Playing video games for as long as I can without being judged or disturbed (Record time before being disturbed; 5 hours. So lame =______=)
• Make an illustration and get it published somewhere
• Write a letter to everyone who has influenced me in life and make people find it after I die 
• Go to Europe and breathe air
• Find a new hobby every year (2014 - Drawing/Doodling, 2015 - ?)
• Actually finish a medication as prescribed by the doctor (I never finish any antibiotics or whatever)
• Give away my clothes and empty out my closet. MAKE OVER.
• Hug a kangaroo (Are they huggers ? O.o I might get kicked by doing that)
• Go without gadgets (Phone, Laptop, MP3 Players, etc) for 18 hours, for 100 days : 0 days

So far, that's it. 

Amelia

I didn't make it.

Oh well, there is always plan B and C and D and other alphabets.

But surely, I have some things up my sleeves. This time, I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to have to keep it real close to heart. For Ummi. For Mama.

So, here I am. I'm back. Be ready.

-Amelia