Saya bukan pokok

Allow me to clarify.

I might be someone who can't finish a lot of things. Let me tell you, my current degree course has no MQA. My foundation that I went through before that degree, has no MQA certified.

"So, kiranya kalau mohon mana2 University, depa tak terima lah?" Fert asked. I met him in debate club. He was in his fourth year when I was in my first. He founded UMK Desperate Debaters. Also hold an Anugerah Diraja or Anugerah Cancelor when he graduated. Now he's furthering in his PhD.

Yes. that's what happened. But I'm glad I went through all that years, because I might not notice that I like sewing. I like pattern in clothes. I like how the finished product looks like. I liked this when I was in my Foundation, when we have to sell things and I chose to do my own felt keychain and brooch.

If I went to UPM, instead of that foundation, I wouldn't know anything about entrepreneurship, probably. I just wanted to be a Veterinanrian dulu.

In my age of almost turning 21 this year, I realise that I am one of those people who is just trying to figure out what to do with life.

There are people who are lucky enough to know what they want to do in life with first try. While others are still figuring out. But most of them would just settle for what they are given. That's not how it should be. Allah wanted us to rebel and fight for what we want. Its just a test for us to break free from our entire life of slavery; doing things that we don't love.

Let me tell you. It is not too late.

Dulu saya kata saya nak buka animal shelter. Yes, it will happen in the future. Tak semestinya kalau saya tukar ke arah lain, saya tak mungkin nak capai impian tu?

So, please please. Restrain yourself from doubting what I do. I see it clearer on this path. 

I did not waste my years here. I developed. And I'm just applying what I learn. I love how Debate Club teaches me confidence. I love how Kelab Nutrisi taught me that I need to take care of my health and my loved ones, and it teaches me the value of having dreams. and that its possible to achieve. 

"Kita diciptakan sebagai manusia. Kita ada akal. Kalau kamu tak suka hidup kamu sekarang, ubah. Allah dah beri kita keistimewaan untuk berubah.

Lain lah kalau kamu ni pokok. Kalau pokok durian ada impian nak jadi pokok rambutan, tak kan jadi, pokok durian tu tetap pokok durian. Sebab Allah jadikan kita sebagai manusia, khalifah dunia, kita mampu berubah. Kita bukan pokok."

Dr Idros, pengasas Kelab Nutrisi.

So, I found my passion. I'm going towards that.

I need your support. Not your doubts.

Amelia

Loopy

Song: Lets Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits
By: Magnetic Fields

I guess, I like songs that are in that vibe. Like the singer is high or something. I think that guy singing "What does the Fox say?" is not sober. "Anyone Else But You" by The Moldy Peaches are great too. Cute and quirky kind of way. Gimme more Indie.

Its like, feeling high without the drugs, not that I ever had any.

Sorry for the crazy talk. I'm sick. Its not an exam unless I am sick. Probably due to the fact that I have to sit in an air-conditioned room (my seat is directly under the air-con, btw), for two hour and a half. Not to mention my butt feels numb after sitting for so long. -_____-'

Then after all that cold temperature, I have to walk under the hot weather. Plus, petang-petang kat sini hujan lebat after the hot afternoon. My body can't regulate temperature fast enough to adapt.

Not complaining. Just telling you how it is here.

On an unrelated note, I am letting go some of my things. Old sweaters, throwing out my old Converse since I was 16, and some of the things I don't think I need. Can't carry much on my way back to KL. Can't leave things too much either.

So, yeah. G'day to you. Salam Nifsu Syaaban. Don't forget to recite Yaasin tonight and have solat sunat and all that (:

Amelia

Statement

I always thought that numbers are just numbers.

So here's a sentap moment when your partner implies that you should grow up. Yes, he implied, he didn't say it but I knew what he meant. Its just like Ummi saying, "Angah, ummi dahaga lah." She doesn't have to say it, but I knew she wanted me to go get that glass of water for her. 

Each time I'm writing down my age on an application form or something, I wish it is still 20. Now, I have to be reminded that I'm almost 21 and yet still has to figure out what to do with my life. I mean, I have plans, but I don't know what to start with, and how to start it. 

Now, age defines maturity. I never like that statement. But most people in the grown up world think its true. I don't live in that grown up world. But I would have to join that club sometime in the future. Soon, apparently.

The thing is, I feel like I grew up so fast (imagine what Ummi feels). I am probably the most mature among my sisters. No offense to Along, she actually admitted to it. I knew most grown up things when I was 14 years old. But that does not include driving. Haha. 

That was probably the reason why if I'm not around my family, I am this immature little brat, trying to pry attention from people.

Well, you know what. You're right. Fun's over. It's time to grow up. 

But this does not guarantee you that I will be wise up to your expectations. 

Baby steps,

Amelia

Dear Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,

People are saying that you can't do it. You can't achieve this, you can't achieve that. But don't get discouraged. They don't know what they're saying because only you and Allah can see your own vision of your future.

Yes, you might lose your way but that is the point. There is no straight short cuts to your dream. Ordinary people will think there is only 2 paths, one to success and one to failure. They don't know that there is only one path. But in that path to success, there will be a lot of failure. You don't stop at any failures. You get up and you come back stronger. Once you get up, you're one step closer to your dream. As cliche as it sounds, its the truth and it happens exactly like it is. 

So, Dreamer, don't give up. Even if you hear others laughing at your dream, you have to make sure that you have the last laugh. 

I have always imagine a fulfilled wish would be the day that you have run that extra mile and you're still not tired. Instead you crave more and more. And each time you get to the finish line, you get to put your hands up and say "I did it!". Imagine that smile upon your face. That satisfaction. That hard work.

And it will never be a competition against others. The most important thing is to compare yourself to your own. Beat your last records, and find the joy in moving forward.

If you can't seem to move forward, just take one step. Polish your thoughts, get new inspirations, get new goals. You will do just fine, I'm sure.

So, little Dreamer, dream big. You have great things ahead for you. Go get it.

Amelia

Hey there Little Bride

I just got your invite. Thank Allah that my exam ends on the 18th, and still in time for your wedding, on the 21st June.

I am basically speechless. I still can't believe this.

Remember how we used to be these teenagers and rant on every single thing and say things like boys will be boys, like there's no hope for love. Haha. Look at us now. Look at you now. (:

Suhana, I am very happy for you. I hope everything will go well for you. I hope Andrew takes care of you very well. I feel like hugging you. I wonder how your Mum feels. I wonder how Baina feels. I wonder how my wedding would be like. Berangan.

I don't know if you read this, but if you do, it sure hell would bring back memories. Thanks for helping me get through those school years after I move to Kuching. Thanks Baina, Suhana for the support system to all my crazy teen angst years. Haha, now I feel like the mother of the bride, giving away her daughter.

I guess there's nothing left to say except, I wish you a happy marriage. Oh wait, there's much to say, tunggu kat wedding reception nanti.

Love ya,
Amelia