The (probably) brief summary of 2012

2012 Summation
In January
I was still a PPKS UMK student, struggling to be this such an awesome idol towards her siblings. I don't need worships and such. I want respect and so they'll look up to me and say, 'Hey, I'm going to be like her someday.' Oh wow, I guess I'm kind of a control freak. Wanting everyone to look at me as I want them to.

In Februray until May
Its when I struggle to study for finals and had my first dinner with my PPKS UMK family :)
Siapa tak stress? This was also the time I secretly thought of applying other university other than UMK. Takut tak dapat Vet, takut tak ada harapan, takut masa depan tak secure.

In June and July
Guess what? I didn't apply any other Uni sbb dah lambat and Taylor's uni is not on my family's budget.
Tiba-tiba on the 15th July, me, ummi and my lovely adik2s went to Kulim so I can go on stage and get that reward. I mean it was one of the days that I can smile up to my ummi and say, 'I actually did it...and its all because of your support :)'
But on that very day, I went home to BSD, holding back tears. Wafi and I broke up. The next day I got the news that I didn't get into Vet school in UMK but got animal husbandry instead. I guess I'm pretty much in denial since then.

In August
Fighting to get into Vet school, appeal to Dr Azam, the Dean. Alas, nothing worked.

In September
No Vet, No Wafi...I went on studying in Kampus Jeli. I think it was downhill for me. But I never lose hope, cuba jugak nak tanya Prof Ibrahim for my application. But its okay, I have my friends, I have my family. and Wafi, I mean, we talk sometimes. Hee ouuh, kat Jeli dapat roomates yang awesome lagi hebat seperti Nini, Zati and Jo Jie.

In October
Naik pentas lagi sekali untuk graduate PPKS aaaand terima anugerah cemerlang akademik. hikhik.
Ya Allah, jangan bagi aku riak. Jadikanlah setiap kejayaanku yang kecil sebagai semangatku untuk terus berusaha menjadi yang lebih baik. Ya Allah, insya'Allah next sem aku akan naik lagi ke pentas untuk anugerah dekan pula. Hopefully. Aminn

In November
Somewhere in October I met UMK Desperate Debaters (UDD) and active to debate since then. Who knew I could be one of those guys who actually have the courage to speak in public...and fight for the given topics.
By then I realised that enthusiasm is important if you want to be good at something. Tunjukkan semangat anda! Yeaaahh~ and oh  I also learnt that, if you lack confidence, fake it. Fake it good. Then maybe you'll believe that the imaginary confidence you build is true and real.

In early December
I keep meeting awesome people in UMK. Banyak yang luarbiasa. Kakak2 kat Kelab Nutrisi mmg hebat :)
Kak Sal, Kak Sachi, Kak Aisha, Kak Syifa and Kak Mira mmg ada jiwa yang ohsem, they carry such a good deed to help Malaysians to be healthy.
Met them on a jog one morning with Nurul and Zati. They've become family ever since. and I've become a member of the Nutrition Club ever since. Proud of it!

So I guess that's about it. The highlights in each month in 2012.
I wonder what 2013 has for me in store?

Amelia

2012 is saying goodbye

Oh okay, firstly, 2013 is coming up soon.

Phew, 2012 seems so long to pass, somehow.

I need to list up the events that had happen in 2012...so I'll know how far I've evolved.
This needs some serious thinking. Hmm...I'll get back to you on that one.

Controversional

I'm sorry for posting such insensitive post to some of you. I've been such a jerk. Not just in this blog, I mean, I have hurt two of the most important people in my life this week. New record huh? I need to think about what I say, what I write and what I do so people wouldn't get hurt by my oh so kejam hati.

I have upset a dear friend to me by saying things that was not nice, so I apologised but the guilt was never gone. I can't eat. 

So I stayed away from her in a bit so I wont make anymore damage. I went to the library alone that next day. Then met a new friend. Just a passerby that I blogged about.

I think that blogpost has upset another most dear friend. My jantung. See how evil I am?

I don't know . Ya Allah, I'm sorry.

I can't really talk to Ummi. I need not burden her with my mental issues. I need to be stronger than her. She'll never have to worry about me.

umk jeli on monsoon season

Empowerment

I don't need to always walk with someone. I will talk when I need to. I can be independent. I can discover myself when I am by myself. I don't have to always follow the flow. I can make my own lines. I can make a difference. I can soar higher because I have my own wings. Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely. It means I am brave enough to go through life knowing that others will leave you someday. I know I can be my best because I have my family. I have my friends. I have Allah.

I can be anything that I want to be. I am limitless. I will be better. I am better.

I'm grateful for the extra sleep I get today. I'm grateful for still breathing. I'm grateful for the things I want but didn't get because its not the best path for me. I'm grateful for having Ummi as my Ummi.

I am content, I just want more.

Amelia 

Approached

Today I went to the library to do some readings on Polymer. As I was picking up a big book on Chemistry, I noticed an eye looking at my direction. But I was like, “dia terpandang je kot. Perasan je diri ni.”  I ignored the stare and went to my seat.

After a bit of reading and I found a bit on the assignment topic given (Alhamdulillah), a Chinese guy sat next to my table. He was using the computer to search on his topic. The thing is, the table he was at, has the not functioning computer. And he had to google on the next table. Nak jugak duduk kat sebelah meja I.  I didn’t actually notice him until he said hi to me. He is the same guy I noticed satring from the book shelves. He asked if I’m a junior and from which programme. I said I’m a junior from SBH. Just to be friendly I asked him about his course. He is a senior from SBH. And he was like, “I’ve never seen you before.” He wore spectacles, with so sepet mata, it was adorable. 

Then I continued on reading on the Chemistry textbook because there was a long pause. I didn’t want to talk much anyway; it’s a library, duh! Then he asked me, “kamu dah kahwin ke? Nampak ada pakai cincin.” I smiled and say, “No lah. My mum bought me this ring.” Terkejut that he actually noticed the tiny ring. Dalam hati dah terdetik, dia perhatikan aku ke dari tadi? 

I guess he can’t focus on the journal he was reading and ask a lot of questions that made me think. The questions are probably for him to know more about me. But really, I see it as if Allah is trying to make me think about who I am now and what I wanna be later. 

“ Lepas graduate nak jadi apa?”

“Probably a Vet, because it has become my dream ever since forever.” But I’m actually having doubts about that. So when he asked me, I don’t know what to answer.  Basically I answered with something I’m familiar with. Something that I have told everyone; I’m going to be a veterinarian because I love cats and blah blah blah.

“How about you? What are you going to do after graduate?”

“I’m going to open a massage center, or probably a spa. Haha nak ambil org kerja so org boleh urut saya.” I laughed at that.

“But that’s very different than what you’re learning now.” I mean, boleh je kalau nak belajar fisioterapi or something, instead of husbandry science.

“Yeah, tapi mmg dah dpt UMK dgn course ni, nak buat macam mana.  But I’m a hedonistic.”

“Apa tu?” Then he googled. Hedonistic, doing something for pleasure and minimise the pain endured.

Shawn. He’s nice, I guess. Though maybe I’m being paranoid or something because, when I was finished   with Chemistry and started on TITAS, he came nearer and wanted to read my TITAS book too. Maybe dia saja nak ingat balik apa yang dia belajar…tapi dia duduk dekat sangat. I was getting uncomfortable so I moved a little further to the edge of the seat. His right hand is on the seat of my chair. I cleared my throat so he wouldn’t get nearer to me. 

Anyway, it was nice to have a new perspective on things after talking to him. Though, the close distance between our seating was unnecessary.  Nasib a while after that he pulled away his hand. Phew.

From what happened today, I guess Allah never want me to feel that I am alone. Which I don’t, Allah sentiasa ada. Allah gave me a new friend in the library.

Here are the things I could think of to be grateful today;

Alhamdulillah I got to be the course that I wanted here in UMK, I mean it’s not much different than Vet. 

Allah gave me a mind that could think about what I want, and the strength to follow that dream. Alhamdulillah I’m not too lazy to pursue it. I mean, kalau tak usaha, tak da laa kejayaan, kan?  

Alhamdulillah walaupun duduk seorang mula-mula, ada jugak org dtg bersembang. Tak laa mengantuk nak belajar.

Amelia